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We don’t ask questions, clarify information, or assert boundaries – all things that should happen in an amber situation.Following my original post ‘knowing when to bail – red flags’, I’ve now delved a little further because so many people try to be the exception to the rule and have little or no boundaries.The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim's safety or decision-making skills).

Either they love me for who I am or they don't, but I'm not their puppet." However, I find articles like this one extremely helpful to remind me of how to react to his tirades and fault-finding monologues.

As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.

A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time before getting engaged or living together.

Aside from there now been code red and amber situations, what helps to differentiate between the two or even change the status is context: If you have previously been involved with the same or similar, or their behaviour is very similar or the same as a parent or authority figure from your childhood, or you actually have the same issue, you must abort mission. If you have not habitually been involved with someone similar or the same, no family history and whatever the issue is, they state and can show that it’s in the process of being dealt with for at least a few months, it’s a code amber.

If for whatever reason, the situation feels familiar to what has been previously unhealthy relationships, it’s code amber, or if in being involved with them you’re acting without love, care, trust, or respect to yourself, or would need to in order to continue, it’s code red.

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